I remember the first night Ana slept on my couch. Her hands trembled when she told me the story. She had smiled for years while he chipped away at her heart. He praised her in the morning. He blamed her at night. She began to doubt simple things. Was she too sensitive? Was she losing her mind?
You might know that hollow feeling. Your voice sounds small in your head. You forget who you were before the storms. You ask yourself, “Can I ever trust myself again?” and “How do I find joy again?” These are big, heavy questions. They do not have quick answers. But a path exists.
This story is a story of small steps. Ana learned to keep a notebook. She named one truth each day. She walked to the park alone. She said “no” once, then twice. Little acts stacked up. And they shaped a different life.
If you read on, I will walk with you through Ana’s steps. You will see what helped her heal. You will also see science that backs those steps. You will find simple examples to try. You do not have to rush. You only need one small step today.
How to Rebuild Self-Esteem
Self-worth breaks slowly under a narcissist’s words. Ana’s self-worth sank each time he mocked her choices. She stopped painting. She stopped saying what she wanted. And she felt small.
But here’s a question: Can something as simple as writing change the way you feel about yourself? Researchers at the University of Michigan asked the same thing.
Amy Krenztman and her colleagues (2024) tested a practice called Positive Recovery Journaling (PRJ). They worked with 81 adults in treatment for substance use. Half of them did daily journaling for four weeks. The other half only filled out surveys. Then the researchers watched what happened over time.
What did they find? People who wrote down small, positive truths felt better about their lives. They felt happier in recovery. They even felt more committed to staying sober. The magic was strongest for those who were still very new to recovery—less than 90 days sober. For them, journaling gave a real boost of hope. Doesn’t that sound powerful?
Ana did something just like this. Each night, she wrote one truth about herself. “I cooked dinner.” “I kept my job.” “I took a walk.” At first, it felt silly. But soon her list grew. Reading it each morning reminded her that she still had value. Small acts turned into stronger beliefs.
You can try this, too. Write one true thing about you. Example: “I spoke kindly to my child today.” Read it out loud. Do it three mornings. Then five. Can you feel your voice steady? That is the sound of self-esteem slowly coming back.
Why Set Boundaries with a Narcissist
Boundaries feel hard after you give them away. For Ana, the word “boundary” felt strange. She had never used it before. When he pushed, she folded. When he demanded, she gave in. She thought that was love. But was it?
Then one night, Ana whispered a new rule to herself: “No more calls after nine.” The first night, he scoffed. The second night, he argued. But the third night, something shifted—he stayed silent. She held her ground. And for the first time, she felt strong.
Why did this matter so much? Dalia Elleuch studied how people with narcissistic traits use language. She found that they often twist words, change meanings, and confuse others to keep control. Have you ever felt dizzy after a simple talk, as if you lost track of the truth? That’s the power of manipulative speech. Elleuch’s paper shows why clear limits are like anchors—they keep you steady when words try to sweep you away.
Boundaries are not walls. They are doors you control. You decide when they open and when they close. Want to try a simple one? Tell one person you will only answer calls after work. Keep your promise to yourself. Notice how your chest feels when you hold that line.
Each time you keep a boundary, you build trust in yourself. Each time you say “no,” you are also saying a bigger “yes” to your peace.
Need more help learning how to hold your ground? Alter’s article on narcissistic abuse therapy shows simple tools and steps to guide you.
How to Trust Yourself Again
Trusting yourself can feel like walking across a shaky bridge. Ana doubted her choices for years. She let others decide what she ate, where she went, and even what she wore. Have you ever felt that your own voice was too small to hear?
Her healing began with tiny choices. She picked her own lunch. She walked down a new street. Each small step made her feel steadier. With time, she started to believe in her own voice again.
Karen Williams et al.’s review of trauma recovery programs found that structured, repeatable tasks help people regain trust in themselves. Survivors who practiced small, daily decisions—like Ana—rebuilt a sense of control and confidence in their lives. The study showed that trust doesn’t come all at once; it grows like a muscle, one exercise at a time.
Try this: Choose one thing today without asking anyone else. Maybe it’s a shirt. Perhaps it’s dinner. Breathe. Notice how your body feels when you make the choice yourself.
At Alter, therapists often use decision drills to help people feel safe while practicing trust again.
How to Go No Contact
Walking away can feel like cutting off part of yourself. Ana feared loneliness even more than the pain. She called him once after leaving, hoping they could be friends. But he used her fear to pull her back in. Have you ever tried to leave, only to get caught in the same cycle again?
That is why “no contact” can be lifesaving. It stops the replay of blame and control. It gives the brain and body room to breathe. For Ana, it meant blocking his number and asking friends not to share his messages. It felt final. But it also felt honest.
A 2024 study from the Netherlands looked at people with PTSD and personality disorder symptoms. Researchers, led by Christin Kühner, studied 197 people and found that emotional neglect was 80.7%, and emotional abuse was 72.6%. These were the most common forms of maltreatment. Even more, emotional and sexual abuse were linked to higher PTSD severity and stronger personality disorder symptoms.
If full no contact feels too big, try small steps. Block for a day. Skip reading messages for a week. Ask one trusted friend to help you keep the line. Healing begins in the quiet space you protect.
Why Narcissistic Abuse Impacts Mental Health
Narcissistic abuse is not only about mean words. It reshapes the brain and the heart. Ana could not sleep. Small noises made her jump. She lost interest in old joys. Her doctor told her what she felt was trauma. Does that sound familiar?
A broad 2024 review by Miranda Olff and colleagues looked at 15 years of trauma science. They found that most people around the world will face something traumatic in their lifetime. Trauma changes how we feel, remember, and respond to stress. It can show up as anxiety, depression, or PTSD. The review also noted that these effects are not the same for everyone—they differ by age, gender, and culture.
Why does this matter for you? It means that your body’s reaction is not weakness. Your brain is responding to harm. Trauma is medical, not imagined.
Ana’s healing began when she understood her nightmares and startle reflex as normal signs of stress. Therapy taught her breathing, better sleep habits, and gentle exposure to triggers. Over time, her body calmed. Yours can, too.
Science is clear: With the right help, the brain can heal. You do not have to carry this alone.
How to Reclaim Your Identity
Narcissists often erase the small you. Ana stopped naming her likes. He chose her friends. He rewrote her story until she woke one morning and thought, “Who am I?” Have you ever felt that way like you disappeared inside someone else’s life?
Reclaiming identity starts with tiny acts. Ana painted one picture. She sang a silly song in her car. She set a small goal of learning two new recipes. Each act whispered, “This is me.” Piece by piece, she began to return.
A September 2024 article by Valeria Verrastro and colleagues looked at how childhood emotional abuse can lead to vulnerable narcissism and problems with emotion control. In this study of over 1,000 young adults, those who had suffered emotional abuse often struggled to regulate their feelings and sometimes turned to binge-watching as a coping tool. The lesson? When your sense of self is taken early, it can ripple into your habits, emotions, and even how you escape pain. That’s why healing means learning to reconnect with your values and rebuild your identity.
Try this: Name three things you loved as a child. Pick one today. Maybe it’s drawing for 10 minutes. Each small act stitches your identity back together.
Rising Strong After the Breaking
Ana once thought her life was ruined. She felt broken, small, and unseen. But healing from narcissistic abuse is not just survival. It is rebuilding. It is learning to trust, to set boundaries, to rest, and to grow into yourself again. Science shows that trauma changes the brain. But it also shows that the brain can heal. Therapy, journaling, boundaries, and small daily acts can rewire hope.
At Alter Behavioral Health, we believe no one should walk this path alone. Our clinicians know the wounds of narcissistic abuse and the strength it takes to recover. You are not “too broken.” You are ready for a new story.
Call us today. Let’s begin your healing together.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the first step after narcissistic abuse?
Start with safety. Find a trusted person and keep a distance if needed.
How long does healing take?
Healing time varies. Take one step at a time.
Will therapy help me trust again?
Yes. Therapy teaches skills that rebuild trust in small ways.
Is “no contact” always needed?
No. No contact helps many people. Some need limited contact for safety or family reasons.
Can journaling really help?
Yes. Short, daily writing can improve mood and self-view.
How do I set a boundary?
State a clear limit. Keep it simple. Repeat it when needed.
Is numbness normal after abuse?
Yes. Numbness is a common response to trauma and stress.
How do I find my identity again?
Start small. Do one activity you loved as a child. Repeat it often.
Should I tell friends about the abuse?
Tell people you trust. A small support circle helps with healing.
Why choose Alter Behavioral Health?
Alter uses evidence-based therapy and trauma care. We guide small, steady steps toward recovery.
