Do you think that you know yourself pretty well? Most of us believe that, but that might not be the case. We don’t always know what will make us happy or what will stress us out. We think we are not a mystery to ourselves, but psychologists beg to differ.
There is a whole side of us that we don’t see, and Carl Jung calls that the shadow self.
The Swiss psychologist believed that when we were kids, we were taught what was acceptable and what was not. This repressed our genuine feelings like anger, fear, jealousy, and hurt. The problem is these feelings don’t just disappear. They turn into what he called the shadow.
This shadow is with us at all times, even as adults, waiting to be understood. By exploring the hidden side of our personality, we can notice patterns that on the surface don’t make any sense. These include getting angry too fast, feeling stuck in the same kinds of relationships, or feeling like you don’t fully understand why you react to certain things the way you do.
These unexplained feelings and emotions are the core of many mental health challenges. The stress, the trauma, and the confusion often stem from the deeper emptiness we need to feel.
Understanding the Shadow Self
Carl Jung is one of the most influential psychologists the world has ever seen. According to him, the shadow self is not something we should be scared of; instead, it is something we should reconcile with.
The part of ourselves that we hide or ignore because we are ashamed someone might see it is what makes up the shadow. It is usually a byproduct of anger you weren’t allowed to express, jealousy you were embarrassed to admit, or people-pleasing because you were taught not to stand up for yourself.
These traits are not a sign of weakness; they are a sign of unmet needs. Ignoring them as an adult can be detrimental to your mental health and personal development.
How the Shadow Self Forms
The shadow self comes to life when we are young. As kids, we have natural emotions. We don’t think about what people will say when we feel frustrated; we just cry. This ability to express ourselves freely is taken away when we become more aware.
You are asked to stop being dramatic, and this teaches the child that their sadness must be hidden. After repeated attempts at pushing these emotions down, the shadow self forms.
Why Working With Your Shadow Self Matters for Mental Health
Psychologists believe working with the shadow self is beneficial because repressing emotions has negative consequences. Emotions don’t disappear when you avoid them.
When we are busy, sadness becomes exhaustion; when we ignore our needs, it becomes resentment. Ignoring your shadow self can be detrimental to your mental health. Avoiding the shadow makes you repress emotions that leak into other areas of your life.
Here is what that may look like in real life:
The People Pleaser
The people pleaser can’t say no and fears disappointing people, which leads to resentment. Then one day, they snap over something small, unloading years of unexpressed anger and resentment.
The Defensive One
The partner who never experienced privacy or independence growing up gets triggered when asked where he is going or what his plans are. The questions feel like interrogations and remind him of the loss of autonomy he experienced as a child.
The High Achiever
The high achiever who has a great job, glowing reviews, and hits all her goals never slows down to celebrate. As soon as one goal is achieved, she moves on to the next because inside, she feels like a failure. Her parents only praised her for accomplishments, so she doesn’t believe she deserves love unless she is achieving something.
Common Signs Your Shadow Self Is Active
The shadow self shows up when you least expect it. If you are rethinking when and how your shadow self shows up, here are some signs to look out for.
Overreaction
The most common sign that someone’s shadow self is active is how easily they get triggered and the intensity of their reaction. Even a small comment can feel like a huge attack, and a small inconvenience can send your shadow self into a spiral.
Think back to a time when your reaction was too big for a situation. It probably reminded you of something from the past. The shadow carries unhealed emotions, and even a small nudge can feel like an open wound.
Self-Sabotage
Another way the shadow self shows up is by sabotaging you. Can you recall the time when you were your own worst enemy? Maybe you missed an opportunity on purpose, avoided a task until it was too late, or pushed away someone who actually cared about you.
The shadow self tends to make you look like the bad guy. It is your unconscious mind’s way of protecting you from old fears of failure and disappointment.
Maybe in the past, you worked really hard on something only to have your effort wasted. As an adult, this shows up as procrastinating, avoiding opportunities, or giving up early because your mind is protecting you from the familiar feeling of disappointment.
While the shadow self may have noble intentions, it can steer you away from growth without you even realizing it.
Toxic Patterns
Do you ever look back at your relationships or friend groups and see an obvious pattern? Your shadow self might be active.
The tendency to choose emotionally unavailable partners, demanding friends, or relationships where you dim your light all point to the shadow self. You’re not unlucky, you’re on autopilot. Your shadow self is picking people who recreate old emotional wounds.
But why? Wouldn’t that just create more pain?
The shadow self is looking for a do-over. Maybe this time will be different. In reality, trying to resolve old feelings through the same patterns rarely works, and you end up reliving the same thing over and over.
How Therapy Safely Uncovers Repressed Emotions
For many people, uncovering the shadow self feels scary and overwhelming. This is where you need the help of a professional. At Alter Behavioral Health, we ensure that you explore your inner emotional landscape safely with the help of shadow work. We use grounding tools to keep you regulated.
We know this is not an easy process, especially when years of repression and emotion are waiting to come out. You don’t have to face these difficult memories alone. Our approach gives you the chance to work on your shadow self while providing stability and emotional safety.
If you are ready to understand your patterns and change your negative beliefs, reach out to Alter Behavioral Health today. You deserve better, and we are here to ensure you get that.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What does “shadow self” mean?
The shadow self is the hidden part of your personality made up of emotions, traits, or memories you’ve pushed down or ignored.
Q: How do I know if my shadow self is affecting me?
If you feel triggered easily, repeat unhealthy patterns, or act in ways you don’t fully understand, your shadow may be showing up.
Q: Is shadow work the same as therapy?
No, shadow work is a process within therapy that helps you understand your deeper emotions and hidden patterns.
Q: Can shadow work make my symptoms worse?
When done with a trained therapist, shadow work is paced and safe. You won’t be pushed faster than you’re ready t o go.
Q: Is shadow work only for people with trauma?
No. Anyone who wants more self-awareness, emotional balance, or healthier relationships can benefit from it.
Q: What happens in a shadow work therapy session?
You explore triggers, emotions, and patterns with your therapist using grounding tools and gentle reflection.
Q: How long does shadow work take to see results?
Everyone’s journey is different; some people notice shifts within weeks, while deeper patterns take longer.
Q: Is shadow work scary or intense?
It can feel emotional, but it’s not meant to be overwhelming. The goal is understanding, not re-living pain.
Q: Can I do shadow work on my own?
You can journal or reflect, but deeper work is safest and most effective with a trained professional.
Q: How does Alter Behavioral Health help with shadow work?
They use trauma-informed, holistic therapies like IFS, DBT, and psychodynamic therapy to guide you safely through integrating your shadow self.
